I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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