Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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