OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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