Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
