the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
