And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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