Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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