She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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