You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
