My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
