It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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