I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
