I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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