i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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