I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
