I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
