so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
