Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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