why didn't you poke me back
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
