On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
