i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
