You can't motorboat a personality
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize