They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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