today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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