You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
