I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
