I accidentally burped into my bong.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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