think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm passing your future prison.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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