You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
