i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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