saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
