I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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