What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
