Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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