Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
