if you like me you must not know who I am
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
