I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
