I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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