Dual....:-)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
