things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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