My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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