i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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