At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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