chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
