At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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