mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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