Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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