i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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