I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize