she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
