Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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