If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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