i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
