she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
false alarm, still single
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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