I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
