I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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