The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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