Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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