Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
