I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
