She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
