So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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