So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
