they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
