Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
