and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
