You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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