Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
