I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize