I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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