So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize