I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
