my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
